Celebrating Women's Month: My Advice For Keeping Your Maiden Name

While I always try to keep this blog more practical and less emotional, I think it’s time to sound off on my experience with keeping my maiden name! In the feminist spirit of celebrating Women’s History Month, it’s a timely share. You might be curious about why someone would keep their name, or what my experience has been along the way - so, I’m sharing my advice with you if you’re considering it, too.

I got married in 2014…so it wasn’t forever ago, but I do feel that things have changed a bit since then - as in, i believe more women and men are definitely talking more about feminism now than they were when I got married. Maybe I am more aware, but I also feel the maiden name trend has progressed a bit since then. My first and biggest piece of advice…

You should do what you want, what you feel in your gut.

My reason isn’t really monumental. There’s a lack of men in my generation of my family, so there’s a practical reason. But, my decision overall to keep my maiden name was mostly made on a whim. I didn't think too much about it until a few months before my wedding day, around the time of my bridal showers when I started getting gifts with “Mr. and Mrs.” on them, or cards that said “The Future Mrs.” Something felt off to me about being called another name. It’s not that I didn’t want to be called my new name, it just felt like a really really big change. The gut check said “that doesn’t feel like me”.

Changing my name seemed like a lot to throw into the already-chaotic process of planning a wedding that would please everyone’s varying expectations. A process that for me, was pretty stressful because I like everyone to be happy. As most big events go, the “me” part of it was watered down pretty heavily, so I felt like I wanted to hold on to some of my personality in this. And, this part only belonged to me.

When I started mentioning that I was keeping my name, many were un-phased, a few showed support, and as expected…some discomfort ensued. The traditional types had questions. Offbeat decisions make people uneasy sometimes.

I always try to remember it’s their discomfort in questioning, not mine.

Some common questions…

“But, doesn’t that offend your husband?”

No, it doesn’t. We had several honest conversations, and neither of us were bothered by it. Plus, I don’t think I’d be with the type of person that was bothered by it. One of the reasons why I married my husband is because he supports all of my rogue, unpopular decisions wholeheartedly without blinking.

“You know you can hyphenate it right. Or, change your middle name to your maiden name?”

I definitely weighed my options, but at the end of the day, I didn’t want to make a change. Changing my middle name meant changing my name. Hyphenating meant changing my name. I wanted to keep it the way it is.

You’re allowed to change your mind!

“But, what if you have kids?”

I can change my mind at any time and it’s not written in stone that I won’t change my name. Maybe someday I will! Or, maybe I won’t. That’s up to me, and how I feel with the gut check when that time comes…or when it doesn’t come. :)

My decision reminds me that I’m not just half in my marriage, I’m the better version of my whole self in my marriage.

I didn’t want to forget that. A lot of people associate marriage with losing part of yourself and use phrases like “the other half”…which feels like compromising the things you want. But to me, in my marriage, I always want to be myself at the least and the best version of myself at the most…never a toned down version. Keeping my name reminded me of that.

It will always confuse people always, and it will always come up.

This part of it will not go away with time. Just the other day, I got a call from a company I called to come fix our fence gate and the woman said she was calling because there were two last names on the account. She didn’t understand how there could be two last names at one household. This happens a lot, it can be a little frustrating - but mostly I don’t let it bother me. I just explain that I have a different last name, correct the error and move along.

A lot of people are going to get it wrong, and that’s okay!

Friends and family will forget. Guaranteed. Mail will come addressed as your married name whether you took it legally or not, and it’s okay. Mail also comes addressed to my husband with my last name, too, which is always silly and something we just shake off.

What do you think of it all? I’d love to hear your comments below!